Raise your hand 🖐 or share this post if you too feel burned out by the world. If I'm being honest, it hits me in waves. It's like a cascade of lethargy flows down on me somedays, and on others I feel perky and like I could dance in the rain. Which I should have done when I had the chance because it's now like 100 degrees everyday in L.A.
When I wrote my daily agenda this morning I had a lot of goals. I call them goals because they're things I wanted to do - but didn't do. Writing is my way of materializing goals into the world. And I fell short in trying to remain productive today. But again who hasn't felt like they've been off their A-game lately?
The world we live in, this quarantine life, is draining. Among the concern for our own health, we're concerned for our loved ones, and dozens of other things that impact our quality of life. My job has begun stressing me out, and more than usual. There's been a pressure building to push movies out, get reporters locked down, and lead campaigns even though this is an unprecedented era for entertainment. This morning I lead a call and then grabbed my phone and just sat in my front yard. I had to take a break.
I'm so lucky to not only have a backyard, but a front yard. Having this square of empty space isn't something I ever cared about before. Yet now it's become a space I consider a gift. The hardest thing that I think has lead me to burn out recently is trying to act like "business as usual." However, after being indoors for days at a time, not seeing anyone besides my family, and even being unable to just grab a cup of coffee and sit down, it starts to wind you down.
That being said, I am not complaining about my current situation. I'm blessed to be with my family during quarantine and report that we are all healthy. I'm beyond grateful for my boss keeping me on his team and finding ways to keep our company going. And I'm lucky to be able to drive, even if it's around the block, to just get some fresh air. Today I wrote down three things I was grateful for in my agenda. It's something I haven't done in a while, and I saw that my mood lightened up today. Granted, I was drained by midday from both work and actually taking my grandma and myself to get a drive through test for Covid-19. It was a taxing experience but one I'm so glad we did together. Again, my grandma is one of the most important people in my life and I wish I could do even more to protect her...
When I got home I changed into my workout gear, had a banana, and proceeded to take a nap...Yeah the grind did not happen - yet. Instead of just scrolling on social media I opened up my laptop. I started writing this blog because I felt I had to say something. I had to share that I too feel like I'm not making progress. In fact, sometimes I even think I'm falling behind.
Candidly, I'm scared to weigh myself right now. I'm scared that all the work that's been done in my fitness journey could have unraveled because of this current situation. As nervous as I am, I know that having a number is the only way I can keep myself accountable. Maybe I did gain some weight, maybe I did lose the little bit of muscle I grew, but at least then I know where I am. By knowing my personal data I can motivate myself and remind myself that numbers don't define me, it's the work I do to change them that does.
Maybe I wanted to simply write this as a note to myself to feel okay with not feeling 100 percent okay. But also maybe I wrote it in the hopes that someone else could feel like it's okay to not feel okay. Whatever the reason, I'm glad that I put the fingers to the keyboard. I think we all need to be inspired in isolation - and I hope this post does that for you.